This is the description of my head right now. I thought I had my mind all made up about competing in October but now I’m wavering. I’m feeling pressure from school. I am teaching two new classes next year and I have a hard group of parents to please. I’ve been very weak in my resolve when it come to family gatherings this week. I’ve already missed two workouts and I’m just not sure what direction I should be going in.

I feel that if I don’t do it now, I may never do it again. I’m also looking at the scale and getting pissed at myself. I WILL not go back to where I was before.

Do I need a swift kick in the butt or should I just focus in on my work for now? I know I WANT to do it, but I don’t want my work to suffer because of my priorities being elsewhere. I don’t have the luxury of time. I have to make this decision NOW.

I still haven’t gotten around to an actual conversation with Tony. Maybe I should start there.

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2 Responses to “Swirling”

  1. april says:

    All I know is this is a lot harder than it looks from the outside. I don’t know how you did it having three kids and a husband! Not even being able to go out and eat a salad at a restaurant is a bummer too.

    I’m not sure what it feels like or the adrenaline rush yet but I think after that I will want it again??? I really don’t want the 2.5 hours of cardio a day but I guess that comes with it. Whatever you decide you’re still she-hulk! If you decide not to compete that is not a reason to not be healthy and keep working out. You need to be at 115 lady :)

  2. Laurie says:

    Probably a talk with Tony, to sort out your feelings would be a good place to start. You are always so strong and so driven, it sucks that you’re feeling this way. I have no doubts that you’ll get headed back in the right direction, whichever direction that choose. Hang in there, breathe and sort it out.

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