Re Group

The wagon is dragging me. I’m trying to get on. HELP! I have resumed about 50/50 clean eating, which is not really very good. My goals are fuzzy. Where do I go from here? I know that just getting to the show was a victory. I never really shared them but there were about three things that seriously challenged me to quit, and I didn’t. In that, I won. But I still want to take the trophy.

Hubby and I are thinking of doing a triathlon together as a relay. Eh. I just want magically bigger muscles. I still love lifting and all, just feeling a little lost. I do not want to be the girl that has to have a show to keep in shape. I think that is why IF I compete again it will be in a year. I want to be fit and healthy because I like it and it’s what is best for me and my family. I’m sick of feeling guilty about food.

I do know that one issue I have is sweeteners. Stupid, I know. I love Splenda. Splenda gives me gas. Equal doesn’t give me gas, but kicks in all the cravings. I have tried Agave and don’t like it. I’m going to try Stevia today. We’ll see.

On the good news side, someone said my arms looked bigger. :) Not many people understand, but that makes me swell with pride. This year HAS done something.

Here is my goal for the next year, other than the obvious muscle gains, to get the people who think this is ridiculous, to be supportive on the point that I have stuck with this for a long time. I have a short attention span. I change from one thing to the next. I’m proving that I can do something, ONE thing, and do it well.

I think this post is messy and confusing but, whatever. I’m messed up and confused. And I am full from whole wheat, flax, blueberry, walnut pancakes. I’ve gotta start being honest. I don’t want to be one that has to post my food everyday, but maybe I should.

See what I mean? Come on, someone pull me up on the wagon again.

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6 Responses to “Re Group”

  1. Tina Ellison says:

    Hey girl, you’ll figure it all out! I think what you are going through is normal after a comp. or accomplishing any big goal! Spend sometime being you, and I have a feeling where you are headed next will come to you! As for the Stevia, I love it! Haven’t told Tony that I am using it in my coffee and my tea, I’m afraid to tell him… I would die if he took it away! Check out this link…this stuff is the bomb!!! I only wish they had more flavors. http://www26.netrition.com/sweetleaf_stevia_flavor.html

    For my green tea, I just add the Stevia plus packets! YUMM!

    Also, about figure, I hope that I don’t get all caught up in the judging! Right now for me I just want to be in the game. I just want to be able to say I brought the best package to the stage that I could have! If I didn’t, I want to have goals to improve my package the next time. It’s just any game, if you love the game, stay in and play. Look at all of the sporting teams that stay in the game even though they haven’t taken home a prize in as long as anyone can remember. They come back and give their best package, and the loyal fans come back year after year to see what they have to bring to the game.

    If you decide to get back in the game, I know you’ll have a following!!

    : )

    Just a fellow Tony Diva in the making,
    Tina

  2. Trojan says:

    Hey Girl….

    Yeah…I have been feeling a lack in drive lately too…ug. Tina took the words right out of my mouth..Stevia in liquid flavors. My favorites are Raspberry Chocolate and Orange ..Mmmm They are fantastic in coffee and protein shakes. There is a slight aftertaste but you get used to it fast and then no worries.

    You have to stop and think about all that you HAVE accomplished…it’s no small thing girl. I will save you a spot on the wagon whenever you are ready!

  3. Laurie says:

    I’m running trying to keep up with the wagon and jump back on myself, grab my hand and together we can make it!

    Just that fact that you have competed is HUGE, I don’t even have the balls to go that far. I just want someone, sometime, to think that I might look like I could.

    Messy, confusing posts are the best – it means you’re laying it all out there.

    Laurie

  4. Stef says:

    I was able to jump back on…..I don’t know how I did it, but I’m finally there. There is plenty of room for you!

    =)

  5. Hyper says:

    You’re a competitor. The outlet for that is not as important as is the “doing”.

    Stevia works for me.

  6. db says:

    Been lurking on your blog and admiring what you do for a long time. this post struck me…specifically this statement: “to get the people who think this is ridiculous, to be supportive on the point that I have stuck with this for a long time.” i totally get that and think its an awesome goal. and also, stream of consciouness postts rock, not messy and confusing, jus thinking ‘out loud’

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