tremendous MOXIE

I think I’ve said this before, but I’m always amazed at how I continually learn about myself. I think this is so important to realize especially when it comes to human relationships. We must know that we are all still constantly changing and (hopefully) growing and be understanding of that process in each other.

One way I have seen it lately in my personal life is after going through a rough week, I saw how my behavior in a certain relationship over the past two years was in many ways so wrong- shortsighted and selfish. I’m so thankful that God shows me and speaks to me, now i can begin to make amends for that.

Another thing I saw only yesterday, is how lackluster my dedication has been to this competition and relied that it is just been plain laziness. I saw as I entered the final week that I was determined to find a way through the cravings or the hunger rather than just give in to the easy fix. (Always the d$%n Cheezits.) I had a shake instead of a handful of nuts. I had a cup of green tea instead of opening the tortilla chips. I have not had that focus for some time. I think I get so mad as myself that I’m placing my self in front of judges who don’t know me, my true heart and how much I pour into this, that I say “forget you”. I have lost sight of the challenge and the goal of “I did it”.

I love progress and especially when it happens in ALL areas of my life. I’m  not really  concerned if my biceps grow, if it means my heart is stagnant and barely beating. We have been attending a new church and I think the input of love and output of worship has begun to administer CPR to my stopped heart. I’m not completely sold on throwing myself into participation, but the thoughts are warming somewhere down deep. Yesterday the pastor spoke of church community and how we should not “join a church” but it should be an organic part of our lives as followers of Christ desiring to be in community with each other. Hmmm. I’ve heard this before, but it has new and different meaning today. I’m trying. I suppose I need to follow my own heed, “it’s all about YOUR attitude”.

I had not intended for this to be a “churchy” or “preachy” blog, but my heart is full today and I must pour it somewhere. To those who made it to the end, thanks  for listening, er…reading.

Much Love.