Uncovered

I’ve been thinking about doing this for some time, and here goes. I am going to post some of my writing I’ve been doing for my writing class. Lately we have been taking small excerpts from other writing and then creating a story around it. This is the latest attempt. I have marked the original paragraph with asterisks. the rest is original. Please feel free to post thoughts to comments. I can always use the input.

Rupert stood on the porch of the house, he stretched his legs and snapped his suspenders two times, always two times. His daddy had done it and probably his granddaddy, too, if he had known him. The sun was just beginning to peek it’s fiery head over the horizon laying a glaze of light on the small field before him. This signaled he needed to get movin’ round to the station to make it by first whistle. He heard the squeak of the screen door open behind him and a small delicate arm wrapped around his waist from behind with a steaming cup of coffee coming in around the other side for him. She giggled and held him close for a minute and he turned to look at her.
*Rose was not pretty, but warm-hearted and quick to laugh. She had grown up at the Jackrabbit stage station, the daughter of the kettlebellied Sundown Mealor, who dreamed of plunging seeds but because of his bottle habit drove a freight wagon. The station was on a north-south trail that connected hardscrabble ranches with the blowout railroad town of Rawlins after the Union Pacific line went through. Rose’s mother was gray with some wasting disease that kept her to her bed, sinking slowly out of life. She wept over Rose’s early marriage at barely fourteen but gave her the family treasure, a large silver spoon that had come across the Atlantic.*
Rupert nuzzled her neck and breathed in her warm, soapy skin. She giggled again. “You better get movin’ or they’s going to dock your pay.” He pushed her back and looked her in the eyes. “If your mother would let her eye off that spoon for one dang minute, we could sell it and stop worryin’ about pay.” Rose sighed. Rupert was always worrying about her mother and that spoon. She wished he would just forget they ever had it and be happy the way they were. He turned to her quick and smashed his lips to hers, “See you after the third whistle. I ‘spect you’ll have dinner waitin’?” Rose giggled and said in her best southern maiden voice “Of course, fine sir. Promptly at 6.” He loved her. Rupert winked, and tipped his hat, “Yes, Ma’am” then grabbed his lunch pail and left for the day.
As Rose stood there watching him go and thinking of what she had to do for the day, her eyes settled on that spoon in the china hutch. “That damn spoon”, she thought. Then she had an idea. She crept to the back room as quietly as she could on the creaky wooden floor. Slowly opening the door to her mother’s room, Rose peeked in to make sure she was asleep. The woman was snoring softly, her mouth hung open with just the slightest bit of saliva at the corners. Rose closed the door and her mama didn’t move.
Rose spent the next hour making preparations for dinner and making sure the house was in order. She hung the laundry out on the line and pumped two buckets of water just to be ahead on her chores. Her mama called out once to her and she held her breath for what felt like a full minute to see if she was going to have to tend to her, but she went back to sleep. Rose exhaled and began to make the final preparations for her plan.
Rose walked over to the hutch and looked in at the spoon for a long time. Her heart was beating so hard and fast she thought it might come through her petticoats. She opened the hutch door and took the spoon out, gently placing it in the pocket of her apron. Her head was spinning and she felt faint but she couldn’t stop herself. She walked outside, “only 3 miles and my troubles will be through” she thought. She finally reached the edge of the murky brown, kidney shaped body of water. Bess, their milk cow was standing on the far edge with her hoofs just in the water and sunk down in the slimy sludge. She looked up at Rose and let out a welcoming “merrrrrr”. Rose hushed her as if she knew what was about to happen and might tell. She reached into her pocket and felt the spoon, cold and heartless; this piece of silver making her beautiful Rupert upset every day. “No more!” she determined. As this last thought raced through her brain, she couldn’t stop the reflex of her hand. She pulled the spoon from her pocket and hurled to the middle of the pond, and as quickly as it had splashed, it sunk.
Rose looked wide eyed for a minute then giggled and turned towards home humming a happy tune. “There. No more stupid spoon. Things will be better now.”

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3 Responses to “Uncovered”

  1. jenn says:

    Proud of you for posting this. That’s a very courageous thing to do.

    You did a great job. You’re paragraph blended seamlessly into the original paragraph. I was really surprised when she threw the spoon into the pond. Scandalous! Great turn of events and very effective after the set up (interaction between Rose and her husband.) I wonder how he will react?

    xoxo

  2. Stef says:

    Wow! That was really good!!!! It flowed so well from start to finish. Had you not put ** around the middle section, I wouldn’t have known it was not from the same author. Great job!

    xo

  3. Mrs.B says:

    Thanks, girls. It takes a lot for me to let people read my stuff. I appreciate the comments a lot!

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