My Moxie Life

I’m a mom of 3 teenagers…17 year old son. 16 year old daughter and 13 year old son.

I’ve posted a lot about them through the years- about 9 years blogging I think. A lot has happened over that time.

We have moved about 3 times, the oldest had several surgeries and almost died once getting rid of tumors in his ureter. We’ve had 3 cats, a bunch of hermit crabs, a few fish. We’ve changed churches had 2 8th grade graduations, a trip to Washington DC and Africa. We’ve had ups and downs. Moments of rebellion were present, but shortlived-thankfully.

I am nothing but grateful for my kids. All the things I heard people complain and commiserate about teenagers have not happened. At least not to any large degree. We are all still sane and still love each other. Right? One thing I think we can attribute this to was the institution of Family Night. Each week one of use decides what we will do for the evening. Often it’s just watching a movie together. BUT, we are together, all of us at the same time. This gets me to the topic of this blog.

Times of “all of us together” seem to be growing fewer and further apart.

No one told me about these days.

The days when I have begun to realize they are only “mine” for a little longer. The days of leaving are increasing. Can I go here? or I’m going to Disneyland…and I’m paying for it. (With the money from my job!)

Oh my. These days are harder than I expected. Maybe my changing hormones kick the volume up a notch, but seriously. I like my kids. I enjoy them. They are funny and smart. And off they go.

I now am seeing the need to prepare for less time with them.
I need to allow them to love someone more than me.

Heart pangs!

I need to allow them to make decisions that I don’t have vote on. But, but…what if they mess up, or get hurt or…do it all RIGHT and REALLY DON’T NEED ME anymore?? I guess I have to be ok with that, too. I may not be the one to console or place the band aid, but I can celebrate the wins and mourn the losses nonetheless.

I have to let go and trust. Trust that Jared and I have given them enough tools to survive and the rest they can figure out all on their own, or with their friends and spouses, or the internet…like everyone else, and like we did at this point in our lives.

I remember what I was doing at 17 and I know what must happen, but it’s uncharted territory and I fear pirates. Pirates who want to rip them off and leave them burning without a thought. But, I must not let fear rule me. Fear only cripples me and stifles their growth. I trust God knows and when I have a hard time trusting, I try harder and lean more. Ok, it sucks sometimes and I won’t lie, I’ve stayed awake some nights thinking the worst. Try harder, lean more.

Pslam 46:1-3
1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging

These three faces are what I think of:

But this is who they have become. Lovely,, smart, nice, strong poeple who can think for themselves.

So, today I’m going to let go a little. And each day a little more, all the while making sure they know that I’m always here. But I’m ok if they don’t call.

Sort of.