Keeping Promises

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Leaving home isn’t for the weak of heart. It doesn’t matter why you’re leaving. It will always be uncomfortable. When the reality of being away sets in. The new place, new people, unfamiliar surroundings will slam in on you. A real slap to the face. Maybe not all at once, which might actually be better. It’s usually a slow burn. When you first touch your hand to a hot surface you know it’s hot but, the searing truth takes a moment. So you pull your hand away but the pain remains. It’s real pain but usually nothing to show for it until days later, if at all. No one knows you got hurt. You’re just left there with the throbbing reminder.

First you realize you have nowhere to go. No real destinations. No one knows you. Maybe you have a job but, they aren’t really invested in you as a person, just your work production. They don’t call you later to go out or have a lunch date. As days go by, you get deep within the Netflix archives. You’ve watched shows that no one has ever heard of and ones you wished you never pushed play. You’ve binged through Friend’s. Maybe more than once and seen that screen come up “Are you still watching ‘New Girl’. Yes, Netflix and stop judging me. Even your house mates aren’t really available. They have their own outside lives, shows, gyms and things they would rather be doing. Despite your best attempts to connect, it’s just an awkward forced relationship.

Don’t despair, my friend. Light comes at the end of darkness, or something deep like that.

One day you wake up. Someone sends you a message. You read a book or see an Instagram meme that sparks you. Maybe a month…maybe 5 months have passed and a voice you almost forgot existed speaks to your soul. It might be whisper-y or so loud you might start weeping in your car at the local supermarket, so I’ve heard.

The voice tells you to ‘look up, you haven’t been forgotten’. As you recall relationships that seem to have failed and think ‘yes, yes I have been forgotten’, it’s glaring at you so obvious that you wonder how you’ve been so stupid. The one relationship YOU have broken promises over and over and wonder why you’re so unhappy and feel like you have lost who you really are, is looking right at you. It’s looking right at your tear stained face in the Kroger parking lot.

Who do you see? The person who says…oh yea, we’re going running tomorrow…we’re going to eat healthy tomorrow…or talk to our friends, tomorrow is the day we’re going to get shit done. But, tomorrow doesn’t come. Another day of breaking promises to the one person you so easily push aside, forget and make excuses to.

Dear woman (or man), if you can’t count on yourself, who can you count on?
Tell yourself something you can believe in. Start small if you have to. Dry your eyes and tell that non-trusting face in the mirror something, believe it and do it.
What’s the thing you’ve been missing? What’s the thing you’ve denied yourself because everyone else needs something more than you.

Write it down. Then put on your big girl drawers and DO it.

I promise you, one day becomes two and then three and before you realize it, you believe in yourself again. I won’t promise you won’t end up in tears again at some point. You probably will. I will tell you, you can’t keep giving from a depleted source. That empty well won’t help anyone.

Go now, my friend, fill your well. Become your best friend again.
I believe in you.

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